The 4 Tasks of Grief

Dr. Hannah Singer

I’ve never been one to get starstruck, but I totally geeked out getting to meet internationally-renowned psychologist, grief expert, and co-author of the Harvard Child Bereavement Study, Dr. J. William Worden. I mean, the man is a legend in the psychology world! 

Worden’s Four Task Model of grief  was developed over 30 years ago and is used around the world as the primary grief counseling model. My entire dissertation was based off Dr. Worden’s theories and models of the grief process - I must have cited his work over 100 times. I am often asked to train psychology graduate trainees on grief therapy and I always teach them Worden’s task model. And of course, Worden’s task model is what I use to guide my work when I’m working with someone in individual therapy who is grieving the death of a loved one.  

So imagine my excitement when I was invited to an intimate gathering to hear the one and only J. William Worden speak about making grief therapy relevant in the 21st century. I mean, just look at the goofy-ass grin on my face when I got a chance to talk to him afterward…. So embarrassing! The icing on the cake was when he asked for my business card so he could refer patients to me. The father of grief therapy wants to refer to me? The words “wait...am I in a dream?” literally came out of my mouth.

Told you. Goofy-ass grin!

Anyway… In honor of getting to meet the man who LITERALLY wrote the book on grief therapy, I thought I’d share the most widely accepted framework for understanding the grieving process. 

According to this model, these are the four tasks that every griever must accomplish in order for healing to occur. Although they are numbered, these tasks are not linear and don’t need to be completed any particular order.

Worden's Four Tasks of Mourning 
​

Task 1: Accept the reality of the loss
It’s common for people to feel like the deceased is just on a trip and will return home any minute. They technically “know” the person is gone, but still expect to pick up the phone and hear the person on the other line. This first task involves recognizing the finality of the loss on both an intellectual AND an emotional level.

Task 2: Process the pain of grief
Death brings up all kinds of emotions - anger, sadness, relief, guilt, confusion... Every person’s grief journey is unique and not everyone will feel all of these things. But in order for healing to occur, the full range of their own particular emotional experience must be felt and worked through.

Task 3: Adjust to a world without your loved one
There are 3 types of adjustments are necessary in order to complete this task.

1. External adjustments - day to day changes the death brings
   Now that I'm a single parent, who will pick up the kids after school? 
   
2. Internal adjustments - changes to your identity
   Who am I now? Am I still a mother even though my child died? 
   
3. Spiritual adjustments - changes to your belief systems
   What do I believe now? Do I still believe in God? I used to think the world was a safe and predictable place, but now I’m not so sure… 
   

Task 4: Find an enduring connection with the deceased while embarking on a new life
Finding ways  to continue your connection with the deceased is normal and healthy. This task also involves recognizing that  forming new relationships and moving forward with your life doesn’t mean that you are forgetting about the person who died or that you love them any less!

Those are the 4 tasks. 

If you’re wondering how the 4 Task Model of grief compares to the 5 Stages of Grief model (ie: denial - anger - bargaining - depression - acceptance) check out this blog post.

​Grief can be an overwhelming and confusing experience and working through these tasks can be physically and emotionally challenging. Many people find it helpful to seek support from a therapist, clergy member, or peer support group to process their grief with people who understand what they’re going through. To find a local support group, click here. For information about working with me in individual therapy or for help finding a grief therapist in your area, click here.

What do you think of the task model? Let me know in a comment below. And as always, wishing you the best of luck and warm wishes on your journey.

References: J. William Worden (2009) Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy (Third Edition): A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner. New York: Spring Publishing Co.